Thursday, September 17, 2009

N.E.W.S == Non-Essential-Worthless-Saga

Are u sure, you want to Kill Ekta kapoor,as she gave us unbearable...
Touch+itching daily soaps...?
Try watching News channels....
specially those who have "BREAKING NEWS" for 24hrs...u will surely change ur mind and
will shoot this channel ppl first...

Some days before..I was sitting in a restaurant..and watching some hindi news channel...they kept on repeating their
"5 min mai hoga pardha fash.."
"5 min mai hoga sacchai ka samna"
"5 min...."
"5 min...."
and they continued this crap for another 20 mins.
What the heck??

My message to them....
If you cannot give us some sensible news...then plz give us one thing..what we need and what only you can provide: Your Absence

Do they smear their face with soot before showing all this?

why they feel common man wants uncommon news???

Yeah its a truth that everyone is not intelligent like me (I insist you, to agree on this :P)
to differentiate-between-Fake-and-Real News...but then what about those who cant???
someone told me, illiteracy rate in India is high.....then these ppl can compile any news in any sense
...but then who cares??

Now a nephew prefer Watching News channels than cartoon network...y??obviously bcoz they are more entertaining and contain more interesting virtual crap....and Breaking News like:

"lizard will crawl up or down??"
"will she go left or turn right??"
and even they showed footage of some best possible horribly bad looking lizard...!
bang on!!! Is this something to be shown on television???
I mean, Man why would we want to know in which direction a lizard wants to go??

Anyways..if any small kid at ur home doing the same..then plz Stop them if you don't want their mental growth be stunted!

But then my doubt is who is responsible for all this???
whom should we blame??

-For Their High TRP's.
-or the Media people .

you know what due to these channels...we also dropped our plan of buying tata now there is no need for recording serials
if missed any..NEWS channels are there..they show all the episodes..yes repeat telecast..many times...
So even without Tata Sky our life is Jhingalala....

Daily soaps...comedy shows...
what next??

P.S: You all might me wondering....y i updated my blog so soon.well avai yar.....for a change :P..

love you all...
enjoy n tc

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Barking Breaking news !!!!


  • The kid exported free of cost by our neighbours- "MASTER KASAB" last confessed that he was the one who peed...My message to our neighbours..plz take ur kid back.....because we made him able to do better things than just peeing. (dont ask me extra details :|)
  • After a long term Analysis, lazy billi came to the point that 'Rakhi ka Swayamvar' is actually a show in which Rakhi will choose some guys on basis of nothing(attack) and then those outstanding guy will one by one dump her on basis of everything(counter attack)....(did the above sentence make sense ???)
  • This tym lazy billi is having very-very-terrific-valid excuse reason for her absence..and late updating of blog..Actually she started with a part tym job..yes my first job....boss was not that cruel for 2-3 days but then...SACH KA SAMNA ...
See your innocent baby-lazy blogger is working some sympathy...stop reading....find a rich guy for her......

Exclusively for you:

  • She started jogging...yes .lazy billi started jogging.....Its not that tough man.....see for easy jogging follow the below steps:

step1. Go to park...park should be far cum near your home..
step2.  Find a bench 
step3. Sit ...slouch...droop...yawn..


step4. After half an hour..head back to home sweet home..(again by making use of scooty)
step5. At home try to make best possible tiring face....before your parents..
And say loudly "...Jogging is not that easy..."

  • Birthday time :

Its Syed's senior...Mentor...and gem of a person..
All those who haven't wish him....which is most of you....cmon do that :)

Even BRIAN .....our very own Mad's blog..turned its party time..forgive me..for late update..and enjoy...

luv u all

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Being Amrita......its hard dear...!

O yeah I am alive.....!!
lazy billy alive !

many ppl now ping me ,scrap me or message me like this-
"u still alive??"
"u gone??"

So i decided to come up with a new post, to make all those ppl realize that they are not so lucky,
they have to wait more for my funeral party :|

Lazy billy updates:

Well it has been around 20 days now since i completed my engineering and it has been
around 20 days since i am wondering why i have done so.....
when all my batchmates are damn busy in looking for options to save their future...

I am keeping myself busy with all following things:

1. Pretending that i am very busy,really i am not :|.

2. Giving advices free of cost to my cousins on subjects like-
How to lie your parents.

How to move on
How not to get dumped.
How to pull leg and how to prevent ur ass after doing the same.
After failing terribly from all sides, How to make faces to look innocent.
and last but not the least ...How to waste time effectively....

3. Bugging frnds on gtalk/yahoo/orkut/fb by verses like "i dont have job...u dont have job...and no one have job".....

4. Discussing with parents on topics like : "That dumbo guy dont deserves that job... he/she was lucky..why God doing all this to me ?? why mom ??? why??"...and this is how I try to escape.

5. Eating everything and exercising not at all...(soon i will qualify to look disgusting).

DEFAULT CASE: Sleeping all the time and keep telling oneself - "Ams you worked a lot,go baby sleep a little"

It was the first time for me when people around me abased me and made me realize
how insincere i am..
how lazy i am...and
how deliberately I waste time...( as if i dont know)...

I did handled the situation pretty well...all the way looking coward...

But its fun to be yourself.....
But its hard... :D

wait..i have to leave...someone whining...I guess " Amrita struck on the thirteen floor of the building "

bye folks..
enjoy n tc..

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Exam's pink or blues???

Atlast..she is back....
I mean...The lazy billy, with all its crap is backkkkkk....
Another in the string of posts that will start with all the bullshit, poop,irish bull...and will messily end up with jerk to save from it...What i mean to say is..
I am back with another totally mindless blog post.....So beware before proceeding..
Just imagine......You are preparing for a Municipality types exam...and suddenly u face stanford/MIT beckon.same was the case with me.Yes our university got highly impressed by IPL and came up with Final examination time table.

Anyways..Even this time I tried my level best and managed to screw up my exams....
Mid sems was a formality..because end sems was in vicinity.
Quite obviously i was not that serious about my mid sems....
So this was the way I managed to take my mid sems.....

(mid sem's blues ):
1st paper : web engg
I entered the examination hall even without pen....anyways got that from almighty frnds 
As i got my ppr....I scanned it twice, no I guess usual....there was not even 1 question that was familiar....
It was like facing current affair questions of timbaktoo....
When I looked around..everyone was busy in scribbling their answer sheet..

2nd paper :Distributed systems (appeared with distributed brain)
It was a terrible experience..When I was entering the exam hall..I heard from my frnd..who was leaking confidential info with full confidence...
FRND: "oye..RPC aaya hai...their is a question on RPC "
ME: lo look..??:O:O sure?? the way,what is RPC???
FRND: Client make a request to the server for its resources by making clien stub, the server fulfil its
request by server stub.....!!!! all write in your own words..yar..
ME: allright !

" I entered the hall as if ' Newton with gravitational force and his apple appearing to take the physics exam...."
(If I would have been in place of newton I would hv surely eaten that save the lives of poor gravitionally harmed students....with Amrita's law of eating apples..)
Then I got the paper..I scanned it..My brain notified..RPC FOUND
RPC found (it was last question)..
I started writing..short note on RPC.As i was having much time in my hands....I started writing in my best possible hand writing.
I scribbled 4 pages.....yes 4 PAGES on "RESOURCE PROCEDURE CALL (RPC)" activating the blogging-engineer inside me....shown all the creativity,innovation,imaginative power.....To answer it..
After it..I peeped in ans sheet of the class mate sitting next to me....she Was showing her creativity...
But I seen RPC as "REMOTE PROCEDURE CALL"...i asked her..
"abe oye....what is the full form of RPC..She said Remote procedure call...."

oo man..I looked my sheet...on all four pages i wrote..RPC as resource procedure call..
and in order to fill the sheet ..everytime i wrote full form of RPC....
duhuuuuuu...then what !!...i utilized left editing...resource as remote..
but that was not all....
when i was submitting my sheet..i notice sumthing..weird...

I wrote STUD in place of STUB :O:O:O;O...
and their was no more time for I can do this..

what if faculty knows the meaning of stud ...o my god...shhhhhhh...
and thus mid sems ended...

bye folks..
luv u all..
enjoy n tc

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Missing me na???

I know you are missing me that too badly :P......say yes...say say.... (blink blink):P...
and those who are not missing me....hmmmmm..ll c u soon... X-(
terribly,horribly and mentallybusy with project work, my project partners are not doing their work seriously (duhuu to them)...they were studious when i decided to become their partner...I thought they will do all the work and i will supervise it :P:P...but they turned a supervisor to a worker :( and the next reason is mid semssss(which comes in the mid of the sem and gives long lasting pain) and as usual my laziness syndrome..

will be back soon after my internals ....
Till then keep missing me on regular basis...:)
love you all..
enjoy n tc folks..
P.S: when i ask you u missing me..say YES,bcoz its compulsory...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

In the WOMB....

(This is second time i  trying my hands on poetry..but still the alert note is same ;). Dont blame me after reading this..Its purely yours choice )

It was soulful,It was Calm,
I was IN THE WOMB ,with no harm,
They taken me out,without asking me,
All were elated,even after my pain n pounce they made on me.

I looked around,there was no one I knew,
They were asking me many questions,
But I dont' know how to express,
and what answers to give.

They taught me to sing and to love,
Now I can feel all emotions flying in my blood,
Seen the lobelia n glittering sky,
Felt the airy osmosis,loved them as thy;

Time flied,they all disappeared,
I searched n cried for them a lot,
But no one came to comfort
And hugged me to say I am yours;

Now I am dead ,with all emotions killed,
Vagabond with mansion,
Free from scruple and zeal,
Still my vacuous heart desires for something.....

I want to go back to the womb
where it was solitary,but Love and Peace exist !!!
Love n Peace exist!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fart must go ONnnnn....

phew !!!!!!
yes pass...
all the way polluting and passing unhealthy be more precise
"Chodo Gandi hawa ka zhoka"  and  your job done!

Yes you all got it right... this art is called FARTtttttting....!!!!!
arrre wait a part of job is to have to be an actor..
Farting also gives you golden opportunity to show you acting skills..Look all around..the sniffing world is watching you..but only what you have to do is..Have big lo expression on ur face and a question mark on ur forehead....
kisne kiya??
koun hai jalim??

Try to give most disgusting look remember you are in acting competition with other victims..
and feel relax..who knows you are the real culprit....
"Farter ko pakadna mushkil he nahi namumkin hai "

To make this moment more relieving,give a cunning smile no less than a devil from inside..
And if you are the victim..then..take my sympathies.

Second: make sure the gas you expelled, has properly reached to the nostrils of people around you..

Third and most important one: If your bowel is not working according to you.Or your bowels' given up and making some creepy sound.
Sometimes in the same tune as "Dhak Dhak karne laga :P" .(Sorry for snapping back this song).Then quickly call your mathematical brain out and 

Discharge the gas according to best possible calculated rate.

 For eg : 5ppm gas per second with ___pascal pressure.Thus making it noiseless fart.

Note:If the calculated rate is correct, say BINGO. Bcoz you are the next Aryabhatta.

Future extension: For making your fart more smelly,have a proper diet.Eat more beans remember less green,Chana masala,Potatoes or any of such similar stuff  which can challenge your digestive system.

Smile, laugh be happy, don't take everything in life too serious, remember its alright to fart, apparently we all do it on average  8 times a day.  

(This is called farting research :P)
You know what the---- Heights of guts :P . It is Farting on before your date.Have guts yar.Try it.
And I am not responsible for any future attyachar made on you.

Thats all !
Feel free and Proud to fart.Its good for health.
keep farting.
Luv you all..Eat well,Fart well
And keep luving me..even if you find me farting somewhere

Monday, March 2, 2009

B for Burger !

Baa baa black sheep,Have you any wool???
Yes sir Yes sir ...........blah blah blah...heck....
Now isnt this impractical???
How the hell baa baa black sheep can talk and compile humans lingo??

Let me take the pain to nourish your GK  :-
Baa Baa Black Sheep is a nursery rhyme, sung to a variant of the 1761 French
melody Ah! vousdirai-je, Maman.
Yes this is again our very own wikipedia !
Do we ever bother about this fact???..obviously NO..Because in kindergarten the only 
issue we are suppose to dealt with was SU-SU and CHi-CHi. And the difference between
the same.

Lately Generation gap is not what is between you and your parents. But now its between two successive
classes in school. The coming generation is so fast,advance and smart.Born maestro.At the time of learning ABCD,they know the difference between gay and GAY.

Few days back i met my nephew.My cousin asked him to sing nursery rhymes :
"Sonu twinkle twinkle bolo k sunao betaaaaaaaaaa?????"

He gave me a damn nasty look and didn't utter a word. It seemed ,he really wanted to kick off my ass. Then after few minutes he came back to me and started singing  "Tokyo drift - fast and furiousssssssssss".
Now that was my turn to give LO look and get startled.
Should I kick his ass ???
I wonder ! But its not his fault....
Being brought in a family where lullabies and rhymes are actually Enrique,Led Zeppelin,Floyd hits and where it is B for Bugger,P for Pizza,F for Figure, W for Who's Figure ? Actually mark the difference.

Forthcoming generation is damn smart.For them "baa baa black sheep"....won't work.But people overlooked the fact and still Baa Baa black sheep and all other are rocking in kindergarten.Children know all this rhymes even before going there.Thus kindergarten/playschool/pre-nursery/r any hell variant of word nursery is just formality now.

I don't know But....
While publishing this post remains of Amir's movie Taare zameen par kept popping up in my mind.
No-No i am not Dyslexia patient.Seriously i am not.But I liked the method of that dyslexic Ishaan Awasti  remember 3x9=3 ?
Even in final year of engg,I oftently use it,to answer some of the unknown question or sometime all.It works to atleast fill the answer sheets.

Bye folks!
Enjoy and tc..
Pls. do comment otherwise I will continue writting more crap \m/

Friday, February 20, 2009

What the ____?????

What the F !

I repeated this dialogue 16 times a day.Did I counted?yes i did..
but these was only my emotions after all Heebie-jeebies.....
Life is Like taking beard out of  deer..

How would have Ramalinga Raju felt after being caught and when SEBi people asked him to calculate all the fraud without any computer help. Without any payroll system !
not that delightful  i  suppose.... Even i was almost in the same caveat this week.....

So called last annual event of my engg life  and not able to take part in dance competition or any hell competition....and adding to the fuel.....was watching absolute Dope ass..bumpkin... and people with worstttttt dancing sense, dancing ( Actually  PT) on the stage and  hardly moving their body parts other than hands and for a change sometimes legs.

Got fret between me and my friend and even with mom without any reason.

I managed to screw up my scholarship exam,which i suppose to  get through.  

Got badly hit by volley ball and got crack hand with free  bandage wrapped on it.
But chuck all ...Fighting fit now !

But still Murphy law ruled this time also :

Everthing goes wrong all at once !

P.S.  I tried my level best to enjoy my annual Fest  ! Everything bad turned ok-ok now .
Because of my cracked half working hand i was not able to comment and visit your blogs. Spare me for that !
Bye folks!
enjoy n TC !

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Crushed Crushes !

It was in class 2nd when Miss Jolly taught me a statement -
Alpha version : ALL Indians are our brothers and sisters
                                             The innocent baby Amrita in blue tunic noted this in her four-line copy with natraj pencil and mused up with question, then why Raksha bandhan is not our national fest..????
It was in class 6th when my bestie Misha told me Miss Jolly is not updated with the facts and figures and quoted the updated version of  statement
Beta version : ALL Indians are our brother and sister Except ONE or SOME 
                                         National fest got change and all other things got in vain..but thanks to her  otherwise my mental growth could be stunted !
Time flied..i didnt even notice tic tac of clocks...Everything got changed ,the dancing hero-heroine around the trees and in between sunflowers farms now relocated to bed directly.Gossiping with locutions Dumped ,patch-up,break-up ,time pass...all ripen common and eye-catching. And with this all changes I realize that both the statements by Miss Jolly and Misha are wrong-headed.

And the actually statement is :
GAMMA version ?? : AT MOST 2 or 3 Indians (though nationality is optional) can be your brother and sister and REST ALL are your competitor.
Oops, If you are taking word  'competitor'  in a wrong way then take it because that is only what I mean.

Believe me having platonic relationship and boyfriend like saint wont make any sense. Have crush list either. Mine is here.

One of the clean shaved player in Indian team and once my dream boy ;-).If LOVE is blind,dumb,muffled then it can also be slow.

Yes Dravid was my slow crush. Only player in our team who gives you plenty of time to sleep between the two single runs .I Love sleeping and so Dravid. But then one day he got married to a doctor and I regretted myself as an engineer. Thus clean shave crush got crushed . 


It was really fault of my GD lecturer who told me to watch news channels and to be updated.Innocent me turned on NDTV 24x7 the best news channel and got my new crush.Journalist Shreenivasan jain.So brilliant in this show bombay talkies .Love the way he narrates. But strange I got placed. Quit that GD class and NDTV  changed to MTV.

Spunky RANVIJAY(Roadies Host) :

In Roadies other than Cat fights,squabbling youngsters,F word,malleable moral,slangs and all stuff what I enjoyed the most is Ranvijay.Smart,tough,dark and sexy. What else you want.He got everything and I mean everything when i say everthing. His eyebrow piercing is something seductive. If I had been there among 
the girls in spiltsvilla.Then I am sure I would had dumped both the dull-witted boys and chose Ranvijay. 

I discover him wild.uhhhhhh..i mean I seen him first on discovery channel in the show Man vs Wild and so i discovered him wild.Taste the pun. Ultimate survivor. Risks his own life.X-treme.killing.And yes I love him.I am ready to be his "Soutan or Saheli". Ready to form love triangle with him and his wife .And ready on one leg to crush-mush my whole life. He didnt hide anything from me :P. I know He eats arachnids,deadly spiders, lizards, sheep's eyeball, camel's flesh and all bullshit.But i have no problem.look on the positive aspect. By this he is actually making me free from daily cooking work  :P.                                                                                                                            
  These are few of my best crushes. Many are there Enrique Iglesias, Faran Aktar, the boy next door neighbour,one of my senior and blah blah blah......but to write down all is not possible so please co-operate :P.

P.S. : Dont follow any policy like First come first serves and all.Its all bullshit.Trust me chuck all options, choose the hottest and coolest one.Paramount is to be make oneself Happy.
Take my advice Having Crushes are always reliable and easy. And Mild to handle.

So folks..
Enjoy Crushes and  get Crushed....
bye and Tc