N.E.W.S == Non-Essential-Worthless-Saga

Are u sure, you want to Kill Ekta kapoor,as she gave us unbearable...

Touch+itching daily soaps...?

Try watching News channels....

specially those who have "BREAKING NEWS" for 24hrs...u will surely change ur mind and

will shoot this channel ppl first...

Some days before..I was sitting in a restaurant..and watching some hindi news channel...they kept on repeating their

dialogues..

"5 min mai hoga pardha fash.."

"5 min mai hoga sacchai ka samna"

"5 min...."

"5 min...."

and they continued this crap for another 20 mins.

What the heck??

My message to them....

If you cannot give us some sensible news...then plz give us one thing..what we need and what only you can provide: Your Absence

Do they smear their face with soot before showing all this?

why they feel common man wants uncommon news???

Yeah its a truth that everyone is not intelligent like me (I insist you, to agree on this :P)

to differentiate-between-Fake-and-Real News...but then what about those who cant???

someone told me, illiteracy rate in India is high.....then these ppl can compile any news in any sense

...but then who cares??

Now a days..my nephew prefer Watching News channels than cartoon network...y??obviously bcoz they are more entertaining and contain more interesting virtual crap....and Breaking News like:

"lizard will crawl up or down??"

"will she go left or turn right??"

and even they showed footage of some best possible horribly bad looking lizard...!

bang on!!! Is this something to be shown on television???

I mean, Man why would we want to know in which direction a lizard wants to go??

Anyways..if any small kid at ur home doing the same..then plz Stop them if you don't want their mental growth be stunted!

But then my doubt is who is responsible for all this???

whom should we blame??

-For Their High TRP's.

-or the Media people .

you know what due to these channels...we also dropped our plan of buying tata sky..as now there is no need for recording serials

if missed any..NEWS channels are there..they show all the episodes..yes repeat telecast..many times...

So even without Tata Sky our life is Jhingalala....

Daily soaps...comedy shows...singing..dancing...cooking shows...

what next??

P.S: You all might me wondering....y i updated my blog so soon.well avai yar.....for a change :P..

love you all...

enjoy n tc

-Ams

Barking Breaking news !!!!

BARKING NEWS :-

• The kid exported free of cost by our neighbours- "MASTER KASAB"....at last confessed that he was the one who peed...My message to our neighbours..plz take ur kid back.....because we made him able to do better things than just peeing. (dont ask me extra details :|)
• After a long term Analysis, lazy billi came to the point that 'Rakhi ka Swayamvar' is actually a show in which Rakhi will choose some guys on basis of nothing(attack) and then those outstanding guy will one by one dump her on basis of everything(counter attack)....(did the above sentence make sense ???)

• This tym lazy billi is having very-very-terrific-valid excuse reason for her absence..and late updating of blog..Actually she started with a part tym job..yes my first job....boss was not that cruel for 2-3 days but then...SACH KA SAMNA ...

See your innocent baby-lazy blogger is working hard...show some sympathy...stop reading....find a rich guy for her......

Exclusively for you:

• She started jogging...yes .lazy billi started jogging.....Its not that tough man.....see for easy jogging follow the below steps:

step1. Go to park...park should be far cum near your home..

step2.  Find a bench 

step3. Sit ...slouch...droop...yawn..

---------->

step4. After half an hour..head back to home sweet home..(again by making use of scooty)

step5. At home try to make best possible tiring face....before your parents..

And say loudly "...Jogging is not that easy..."

• Birthday time :

Its Syed's birthday.....my senior...Mentor...and gem of a person..

All those who haven't wish him....which is most of you....cmon do that :)

Even BRIAN .....our very own Mad's blog..turned 2...so its party time..forgive me..for late update..and enjoy...

luv u all

tc

Being Amrita......its hard dear...!

O yeah I am alive.....!!

lazy billy alive !

many ppl now ping me ,scrap me or message me like this-

"u still alive??"

"u gone??"

"zinda??"

So i decided to come up with a new post, to make all those ppl realize that they are not so lucky,

they have to wait more for my funeral party :|

Lazy billy updates:

Well it has been around 20 days now since i completed my engineering and it has been

around 20 days since i am wondering why i have done so.....

when all my batchmates are damn busy in looking for options to save their future...

I am keeping myself busy with all following things:

1. Pretending that i am very busy,really i am not :|.

2. Giving advices free of cost to my cousins on subjects like-

How to lie your parents.

How to move on

How not to get dumped.

How to pull leg and how to prevent ur ass after doing the same.

After failing terribly from all sides, How to make faces to look innocent.

and last but not the least ...How to waste time effectively....

3. Bugging frnds on gtalk/yahoo/orkut/fb by verses like "i dont have job...u dont have job...and no one have job".....

4. Discussing with parents on topics like : "That dumbo guy dont deserves that job... he/she was lucky..why God doing all this to me ?? why mom ??? why??"...and this is how I try to escape.

5. Eating everything and exercising not at all...(soon i will qualify to look disgusting).

DEFAULT CASE: Sleeping all the time and keep telling oneself - "Ams you worked a lot,go baby sleep a little"

It was the first time for me when people around me abased me and made me realize

how insincere i am..

how lazy i am...and

how deliberately I waste time...( as if i dont know)...

I did handled the situation pretty well...all the way looking coward...

But its fun to be yourself.....

But its hard... :D

wait..i have to leave...someone whining...I guess " Amrita struck on the thirteen floor of the building "

bye folks..

enjoy n tc..

Exam's pink or blues???

Atlast..she is back....

I mean...The lazy billy, with all its crap is backkkkkk....

Another in the string of posts that will start with all the bullshit, poop,irish bull...and will messily end up with jerk to save from it...What i mean to say is..

I am back with another totally mindless blog post.....So beware before proceeding..

Just imagine......You are preparing for a Municipality types exam...and suddenly u face stanford/MIT beckon.same was the case with me.Yes our university got highly impressed by IPL and came up with Final examination time table.

Anyways..Even this time I tried my level best and managed to screw up my exams....

Mid sems was a formality..because end sems was in vicinity.

Quite obviously i was not that serious about my mid sems....

So this was the way I managed to take my mid sems.....

(mid sem's blues ):

1st paper : web engg

I entered the examination hall even without pen....anyways got that from almighty frnds 

As i got my ppr....I scanned it twice, no I guess trice....as usual....there was not even 1 question that was familiar....

It was like facing current affair questions of timbaktoo....

When I looked around..everyone was busy in scribbling their answer sheet..

2nd paper :Distributed systems (appeared with distributed brain)

It was a terrible experience..When I was entering the exam hall..I heard from my frnd..who was leaking confidential info with full confidence...

FRND: "oye..RPC aaya hai...their is a question on RPC "

ME: lo look..??:O:O ...accha...you sure??...by the way,what is RPC???

FRND: Client make a request to the server for its resources by making clien stub, the server fulfil its

request by server stub.....!!!!...rest all write in your own words..yar..

ME: allright !

" I entered the hall as if ' Newton with gravitational force and his apple appearing to take the physics exam...."

(If I would have been in place of newton I would hv surely eaten that apple..to save the lives of poor gravitionally harmed students....with Amrita's law of eating apples..)

Then I got the paper..I scanned it..My brain notified..RPC FOUND

RPC found (it was last question)..

I started writing..short note on RPC.As i was having much time in my hands....I started writing in my best possible hand writing.

I scribbled 4 pages.....yes 4 PAGES on "RESOURCE PROCEDURE CALL (RPC)"....by activating the blogging-engineer inside me....shown all the creativity,innovation,imaginative power.....To answer it..

After it..I peeped in ans sheet of the class mate sitting next to me....she Was showing her creativity...

But I seen RPC as "REMOTE PROCEDURE CALL"...i asked her..

"abe oye....what is the full form of RPC..She said Remote procedure call...."

oo man..I looked my sheet...on all four pages i wrote..RPC as resource procedure call..

and in order to fill the sheet ..everytime i wrote full form of RPC....

duhuuuuuu...then what !!...i utilized left time..by editing...resource as remote..

but that was not all....

when i was submitting my sheet..i notice sumthing..weird...

I wrote STUD in place of STUB :O:O:O;O...

and their was no more time for editing..wtf..how I can do this..

what if faculty knows the meaning of stud ...o my god...shhhhhhh...

and thus mid sems ended...

bye folks..

luv u all..

enjoy n tc

Missing me na???

I know you are missing me that too badly :P......say yes...say say.... (blink blink):P...
and those who are not missing me....hmmmmm..ll c u soon... X-(
terribly,horribly and mentallybusy with project work, my project partners are not doing their work seriously (duhuu to them)...they were studious when i decided to become their partner...I thought they will do all the work and i will supervise it :P:P...but they turned a supervisor to a worker :( and the next reason is mid semssss(which comes in the mid of the sem and gives long lasting pain) and as usual my laziness syndrome..

will be back soon after my internals ....

Till then keep missing me on regular basis...:)

love you all..

enjoy n tc folks..

P.S: when i ask you u missing me..say YES,bcoz its compulsory...

In the WOMB....

(This is second time i  trying my hands on poetry..but still the alert note is same ;). Dont blame me after reading this..Its purely yours choice )

It was soulful,It was Calm,

I was IN THE WOMB ,with no harm,

They taken me out,without asking me,

All were elated,even after my pain n pounce they made on me.

I looked around,there was no one I knew,

They were asking me many questions,

But I dont' know how to express,

and what answers to give.

They taught me to sing and to love,

Now I can feel all emotions flying in my blood,

Seen the lobelia n glittering sky,

Felt the airy osmosis,loved them as thy;

Time flied,they all disappeared,

I searched n cried for them a lot,

But no one came to comfort

And hugged me to say I am yours;

Now I am dead ,with all emotions killed,

Vagabond with mansion,

Free from scruple and zeal,

Still my vacuous heart desires for something.....

That,

I want to go back to the womb

where it was solitary,but Love and Peace exist !!!

Love n Peace exist!!

..........

Fart must go ONnnnn....

1...

2...

3.....And...go...

Durrr..phurr...shhhh..fusssssssphuuuuu...

phew !!!!!!

yes pass...

all the way polluting and passing unhealthy breeze..to be more precise

"Chodo Gandi hawa ka zhoka"  and  your job done!

Yes you all got it right... this art is called FARTtttttting....!!!!!

arrre wait a part of job is left...now to have to be an actor...yes...an actor..

Farting also gives you golden opportunity to show you acting skills..Look all around..the sniffing world is watching you..but only what you have to do is..Have big lo expression on ur face and a question mark on ur forehead....

kisne kiya??

koun hai jalim??

Try to give most disgusting look remember you are in acting competition with other victims..

and feel relax..who knows you are the real culprit....

"Farter ko pakadna mushkil he nahi namumkin hai "

To make this moment more relieving,give a cunning smile no less than a devil from inside..

And if you are the victim..then..take my sympathies.

I bet,the most satisfactory thing you can do on the planet..is to fart and smile all the while from inside.

But to be maestro of this art you have to be alert...

So here are some of the farting tips from inbuilt experience :P

First is: make sure you are going for a noiseless fart.....

Remember the farting law of smell :

Less the noise more the smell,thus more people and vice versa !

Note:Toh agar kam noise mai zada smell mile toh bhai bhala zada noise kyu kare..noiseless fart

na chode..(courtsey: Crapy Adds of  washing Bars ) 

Second: make sure the gas you expelled, has properly reached to the nostrils of people around you..

if not then change the angle as per the requirement and go for next fart...

Third and most important one: If your bowel is not working according to you.Or your bowels' given up and making some creepy sound.

Sometimes in the same tune as "Dhak Dhak karne laga :P" .(Sorry for snapping back this song).Then quickly call your mathematical brain out and 

Discharge the gas according to best possible calculated rate.

 For eg : 5ppm gas per second with ___pascal pressure.Thus making it noiseless fart.

Note:If the calculated rate is correct, say BINGO. Bcoz you are the next Aryabhatta.

Future extension: For making your fart more smelly,have a proper diet.Eat more beans remember less green,Chana masala,Potatoes or any of such similar stuff  which can challenge your digestive system.

Smile, laugh be happy, don't take everything in life too serious, remember its alright to fart, apparently we all do it on average  8 times a day.  

(This is called farting research :P)

You know what the---- Heights of guts :P . It is Farting on before your date.Have guts yar.Try it.

And I am not responsible for any future attyachar made on you.

Thats all !

Feel free and Proud to fart.Its good for health.

keep farting.

Luv you all..Eat well,Fart well

And keep luving me..even if you find me farting somewhere